The Diagnosis That Changed My Life
I was staring at my daughter, Riley, in my husband’s lap, not hearing a word the doctor said. I could hear the ticking of the clock, the subtle sound of breathing from Riley’s sleeping form, but I couldn’t concentrate on what Dr. Dayal was saying. The only words in my head were from the beginning of the visit. “Your daughter had a stroke. There is extensive damage on the left side of her brain.”Two months ago, this all began. Riley was 14 months old and just starting to walk. Her pediatrician said that she was a late bloomer. But then she actually started walking. It wasn’t normal. She was dragging her right leg. Combined with the fact that she didn’t use her right hand almost ever, we found ourselves on the way to visit a neurologist, Dr. Dayal.
“I am concerned with the way she uses her left side. I think it was very wise of you to bring her in to see me.” Dr. Dayal said that Tuesday morning. “I want to send her for an MRI to take a look at her brain.”
It didn’t sink in at first, but reality certainly slammed into me the morning of the MRI. 15 month olds do not sit still for 45 minutes. My baby was going under anesthesia. She was scared of the doctors and the mask. She was hungry because I couldn’t let her eat for 12 hours before the procedure. I couldn’t explain to her what was going on; she was too little to understand. But I was convinced everything was okay. She was fine. She was just slow at figuring out this mobility thing. I was wrong.
My husband tapped me on the shoulder, a concerned look in his eyes. “She wants to show us the scan. Come on.”
I followed him silently to Dr. Dayal’s office, still in shock. Her office was bright and cheery, decorated in soft yellows and greens. But all I could concentrate on was her computer screen. She already had the scan up on the screen and I was greeted with an image of Riley’s brain. There was a big black blob covering a great portion of the left lobe. It looked intimidating. It looked really bad.
“This black area on the left side of her brain is where the stroke affected her. The damage doesn’t look new however and since she had a normal birth, I suspect it happened sometime during your pregnancy.” Dr. Dayal was pointing at the screen as she talked. “If I hadn’t met Riley previously and just had this scan to go on, I’d say she’d never walk. The part of the brain the stroke affected controls the motor skills and parts of her memory.”
“Can we fix it?” I asked her, grateful that my voice wasn’t betraying the panic I felt inside.
“All of the black you see on the scan is empty space. The brain tissue that was there died and it isn’t there anymore. It won’t grow back.” I think she saw the distress in my face because she quickly added, “She’ll probably be in physical and occupational therapy for most of her life, but she should be able to live a normal life.” I couldn’t quite comprehend it all at that moment. Long term therapy, brain damage, it was all too much to process. I felt like I was at a complete loss.
And that’s when everything changed. I went from having a healthy baby girl to having a baby with a disability. We saw 7 specialists trying to figure out the cause with no success. We started physical and occupational therapy once a week. She started wearing a leg brace at night, and later on, during the day. But throughout this process, I’ve learned some things. I am strong enough to handle whatever life throws at me. We take one day at a time in this household, and our lives revolve around our children.
I am grateful for every single thing my daughter learns how to do. I am grateful every day that she is in my life. Her disability only brought us closer as a family and we cherish every moment with our children. She continues to amaze her doctors by doing things they thought she’d never be able to do. She’s running, jumping, talking up a storm, and with her brace is pretty much caught up with kids her age. At only 4 years of age, she has taught me a lesson I hadn’t learned in my own 24 years. I can accomplish anything I set my mind to, just like she has.
